I feel like I’ve written this a hundred times before. Maybe I have, or maybe it’s just a conversation that’s been going on in my head for so long it just seems that way. Regardless, I suppose the short version is that I’m a bit disillusioned and disappointed with the church at this moment. Now before anyone begins to walk away or immediately start making remarks please understand the difference between the church, and, The Church. The Church. The true Church was and is brought to all of us through Christ. It is through this Church that Jesus guides us to the Father and gave us the gift of the Holy Spirit. The fact is, the struggles I’m having have only strengthened my Faith and inspired me to not only live the faith, but to hopefully embolden others to do the same.
Quick backstory
Born and raised a Roman Catholic, I always viewed that as the only church. But like most kids during high-school, I went through a rebellious phase and distanced myself from the church. Then, my junior year, I was having a conversation with a few friends about scary books and authors, Steven King’s “The Stand” specifically, when one of my friends said if I really wanted to read something “scary”, read the Book of Revelation and handed me a travel sized New Testament. I sat down and read it straight through, and unlike any fictional story Steven King could write, nothing is as frightening as reading the words of Jesus telling us about the apocalypse. I can still remember the feeling of self disappointment, I mean after all I’m a Catholic, how did I not know this. It was shortly after that I started carrying my own copy of the New Testament in my bag at all times. It’s a habit the continues to this very day, except now I also carry a complete Bible with me courtesy of Christian Surfers.
Over the years I can’t even count how many times I’ve read and reread Books and passages. Good times, tough times, for inspiration, or guidance the Word has become my go-to. One of the most amazing things about the Bible is that it truly is alive. Like I said I’ve read and reread it so many times, and each time I’ve picked up something new from it, or quite literally just opened it and found exactly what I needed to hear at that moment.
Which leads me to where I’m at today.
When Lent began 60+ days ago I made it a point to read a little more everyday, and initially it had a calming effect. But as I became more immersed in the scripture I started to truly notice how much we’ve strayed from the truth. Seeing my faults and of those around me almost seemed ok at first. I mean I’ve adopted the phrase “I’m a work in progress” to the point of it practically being a mantra, but as days turned to weeks it became less amusing. Witnessing some of the people whom I’ve always thought to be true Catholics, myself included, speak and act so at odds of how we portray and view ourselves to be was heartbreaking. Unfortunately it didn’t end there. Every week there were under publicized news stories of attacks on Christians and churches. In places like Nigeria, Egypt, Ethiopia, France, China and of course Sri Lanka, all with little or no response from the Vatican. No response from anyone. Why? Is it not politically correct to want all innocent life to be safe? Then I read how the Pope agreed to allow China to choose the bishops within their borders, a move that essentially split the church there in two. A public version that is government controlled, and an underground one that is literally hunted on a daily basis…again a situation that the Vatican deafens us with its silence. Did I miss the chapter in the Bible that told us how Peter let Rome choose church leaders? Then while in Morocco, Pope Francis told parishioners to not proselytize, that simply living as christians was enough. I understand that it is safer to keep silent, but was it any less safe for Jesus or the Apostles? Haven’t we all been charged with the duty to try to bring as many people to Christ that we can? Once again, it feels too politically driven. Then there’s the thing that no one wants to speak of…the allegations brought against many priests. For the record, I don’t believe that all the accused are guilty. But what I will say is with that much smoke there has to be some fire, and if even one is guilty and the church protects them, from the Pope on down there must be accountability. Again I’m deafened by silence. The more troubling things seemed, the deeper I dove into scripture, which only amplified the issues. As I sit here now thinking, it almost amuses me that the breaking point for me actually happened a few months ago before anything else. After working in one of my parish’s ministry’s for about ten years my wife and I had to take a break because of health reasons. A few months back she had gotten ill, and it still wasn’t under control…unfortunately it still isn’t…I don’t know if it was church politics, fear of change, or just peoples true colors coming out, but we were abandoned to our faces and insulted behind it backs. The final moment was when our pastor told us he thought it would be best if we weren’t around for a while…let me just say when you’re going through something and you’re left in the wind by not only your friends, but your priest as well…that was a whole new level of heartbreak. I mean the word catholic, by definition means “all embracing” or “all welcoming” and the church defines it as meaning “universal”. So when you’re essentially told your not welcome it makes you think about where you are. So I started looking at all the churches that are Christian. Eastern Orthodox, Oriental Orthodox, Coptic, Protestant, Methodist, Episcopal…my head was really spinning. All I could think was, ”is this universal?” When you read the history of them, it mostly comes down to the vanity of man that caused the rifts, and still causes them to this day. The devil must smile, while Jesus cries at what we’ve done. At what we are doing. In Revelation Jesus speaks of the seven churches, of which only two are deemed worthy of Him. Smyrna, who suffers for Christ, and Philadelphia, that loves. As I read and reread those passages I started to think that He wasn’t really talking about churches, He’s talking about us. We are the Church, not some buildings somewhere. We have to be ready and willing to love unconditionally and to suffer for Him. And by suffering I don’t necessarily mean on the biblical scale, simply holding true to your beliefs when they aren’t popular to the rest of the world counts. Being courageous enough to not only live, but to speak your faith.
Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love. -1 Corinthians 13:13
…And to love. It’s both the easiest and the most difficult thing we are taught to do. Remembering to not only love others like Christ did, but to also find solace and strength in His love for us when fear overcomes us is something that seems almost out of reach. But then I think of Jesus. He was betrayed, denied, beaten, and crucified, and still felt nothing but love and forgiveness for them all, and while in the midst of all that He even welcomed one of the criminals he was being crucified with to heaven because the man asked…so what’s my excuse?
And so it begins.
Have any of you ever surfed? The actual act of surfing really isn’t all that difficult. But to truly surf, or to be a surfer, is a discipline that almost has to be a way of life…at least on the water. Patience, resilience, focus, and strength are traits that come to mind. All of which are necessary to achieve the “glide”…that moment when you and the wave are one. But there’s a lot of work involved and you don’t always get there, but that doesn’t stop you from climbing back up onto the board to try again. And you do it because for a soul surfer, words haven’t been created yet to describe the feeling of the glide…That’s how I feel about my Faith. I can use those same traits when describing what it takes to follow Christ in this world, and quite similarly there’s a lot of work and we don’t always walk the right path. But it’s that desire of being worthy of His love, being worthy of heaven that drives us to keep trying. When you’re surfing there’s a moment. It’s a flash of an instant when you’re paddling your heart out to match the speed of the wave, and suddenly you feel it grab your board. Like some invisible hand that says “ I got you”. It’s that moment, that lasts for less than a second, when you haven’t popped up yet but you can just start to get the sense of oneness with the wave. Your mind is moving at lightening speed because you know how easy it is to fall but the want for that joy is stronger than any fear. That’s where I am right now with my faith. It’s funny actually, the more I think and write about all this the less disillusioned I feel. The stronger my faith is. The greater is my need to make a change. Sometimes, something that at first glance can seem almost insignificant changes your entire perspective. Looking back over what Ive been writing I noticed a verse in the picture…
Now I say to you that you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church, and all the powers of hell will not conquer it. – Mathew 16:18
All Christian churches are joined together by this verse whether they want to or not. We are bound to each other by this, for as much as the Bible is alive it is also stone. It can’t be rewritten to suit people’s needs or views. I am a Roman Catholic. As such I will always be welcoming to all, and will strive for unity amongst Christians. The duty we’ve been charged with is a difficult one. When you look at the Apostles, they literally walked with Christ and still had differences, so to think that we’d be different now is just foolish. But our goal, like them, is the same. To bring people to the Father through the Son (John 14:6), to love without condition, and above all to love God. Seems simple enough, but we tend to let the world creep in and alter our focus…our perspective…our desire. In John 2:15 Jesus said “Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you.” When He says “this world” He’s talking about the material world we live in, not the people. God loves the world, He loves it so much He sent His only begotten son (John3:16). That doesn’t mean you can’t have or want nice things. What father doesn’t want the best for his children? It’s when the want for those things becomes the only thing. When you will turn your back…or worse…on someone in order to achieve those things. When the desire for worldly things or power makes you turn your back on God, that’s when it’s bad.
Out of all the Apostles I’ve always felt a connection to Peter. Like Peter, my Faith is fierce. But also like Peter, as much as the fire I have for the Lord burns within me, I am fallible. There are two stories in particular that show us not only Peter as a person I can identify with, but also why Jesus chose him to be “the rock”.
Mathew 14:22-33 is awesome on so many levels. First of all as a surfer how could I not be drawn to the fact that Jesus is the original surfer. I mean the swells were tossing the Apostle’s boat around and Jesus just comes strolling out there on the waves and is like ,”hey what’s up?” Now I know that’s not a direct quote, but you get the idea. He’s the original soul surfer. Here’s the moment you see the fierce faith I mentioned earlier…In the midst of all that chaos Peter says to Jesus “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” And just like that he jumps out and starts walking towards Jesus…walking on the waves…Bam! Guess who just became surfer number two? A man who was so intensely focused on Christ he was able to do something extraordinary. But the real lesson for me was after a few moments when Peter let the distractions of the world take his eyes off Jesus he started to sink and he cried out for help. If a man who was literally walking on water with Jesus can loose his focus, I think it’s understandable that I…we… can as well. Here Peter showed us both the weakness we share being mortal, and level of potential within us is.
The next lesson is from Galatians, and it’s an interaction between Peter, Jesus’s chosen pope, and Paul, arguably the last chosen apostle. The cliff note version is that Peter was starting to succumb to peer pressure from within the church, and was treating the christians that were formerly jews better than the converts who were gentiles. Paul, who in my opinion had become the advocate not only for the gentiles but for the Word in general, called Peter out in it. Again here’s where we see Peters greatness. Stop for a moment and think how you’d react if someone questioned your actions in front of your peers…even if I knew I was wrong, my gut reaction would be to go on the defensive. I’m sure most of us would, but not Peter. He thought it through and did what was right, not popular. The two of them would go on to teach together in Rome until they were martyred. Once more we see the brilliance of Christ’s choice of not only a man who, like all of us is fallible as a role model, but is also so faith filled he is able to always remain humble enough to place God’s will over his own.
Which brings me back to our Pope. Although the choosing process has changed from Peter to now, I have to believe that some level of divine influence remains. As such, to hold Pope Francis to a higher standard than Peter is unfair, but I hope that he has a “Paul” to help him see the truth. At the same time it’s up to all of us to help him, and each other, see as well. In John 14:12 Jesus told tells us that we “will do the same works I have done, and even greater works” , which was a bit intense when I read it. But when I see it now I realize that Christ’s ministry only lasted a little over three years… but our time to spread the word, God willing, will be much longer. And given a longer time on earth means our opportunity to suffer and love is greater…but so is our openings for sin and weakness.
As always I will be pray for us all. Stay vigilant, and live the Faith. God bless.
Faith like Water 