Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.
-James 1:20
I’m angry. I am absolutely an angry person at this moment. But I can’t be. I know how we are all supposed to be. Unfortunately the situations we want aren’t always the situation we have, for example, as I’m writing this I am driving to my parents house on a Sunday evening to go carry my father into the house. He’s not hurt or disabled, truthfully the only thing wrong with him is that he’s an alcoholic. Don’t get me wrong I absolutely know we all have our own demons. Let’s face it there isn’t anyone who isn’t themselves fighting,or know someone who’s fighting, something. Whether it’s a sin of action, attitude, neglect, or intent, the devil doesn’t need a large chink in the armor to get in. For me today…it’s anger. Angry at the fact that I had to hear my mother crying on the phone from a combination of frustration from once again having to deal with him like this, and from the embarrassment of having to call one of her sons to deal with this…again.
So a few days have past since I started writing this. As I read what I wrote I’m happy that even at that moment I had the clarity to know,and say, how being angry wasn’t the right way to be. You see being angry is easy. Letting any of our emotions get the best of us is easy. Living the life we’re supposed to…that we need to…not so easy, but that doesn’t make it any less necessary. Any less important. A while back I spoke about not giving the devil a foothold…sometimes I really need to take my own advice because sin…any sin…is an opportunity the devil will never pass up to try and work his way in. And I’m better than that, we ALL are better than that. Which brings me to today. Over the last few days I’ve been praying a lot on my life. Where I am, where I’m going, where I want to be, and especially who I want to be. I found that I’m moving more sideways than forward. I know what, where, and who I want to be, but I’m my own worst enemy. My nature is always try to keep the peace. If there’s any type of conflict or trouble I will always look to find a way to settle things down, sometimes to my own detriment. As someone who wears their heart on their sleeve, at times, I find I am at odds with myself. Doing what you feel is right and what needs to be done aren’t always the same thing. Accordingly I get to a point where I feel myself loosing both control and focus. Maybe that’s my “demon”, because it’s at those moments, amid all the chaos in my life that my faith centers me. But there are days, like the other day, when it’s a fight to keep my eye on God and not the events unfolding around me. Like I said it’s real easy to let emotion dictate my actions, there are times when we need to, but there is a difference between letting our emotions control us or letting them guide us. Christ, who we strive to emulate, wept, got angry, and above all loved. And it was through love that He was able to feel and act on those emotions. Everything He did when He was here was done out of love for us and as impossible as it seems we have to be doing the same. Another human difficulty we have sometimes is admitting that we have to change. Finding error within ourselves isn’t always the easiest thing to admit. So as I’m writing this, I look over my shoulder and see this spray painted on the building across from where I am…
Bam. Once again God drops the mic. It never ceases to amaze me how often He talks to us. Although at times it’s as subtle as a whisper, in this situation it was literally the side of a building. I have been told I’m a bit thick headed so I guess He was done whispering! So in the end,after taking God’s advice and taking a better “look at myself“ …again, I decided that I need to live my faith. As much as I thought I was, it’s not enough. Like this blog, for example, I started this with the intention of talking every day. Never realizing how difficult it was going to be, especially the actual writing aspect. I mean I can talk all day, and even though I write as if I was speaking, it’s not the same. Then add in my impatience on gaining readers, and just like that, there was a chink in my armor. And as far as speaking is concerned, I need to do it more. Anyone who knows me, knows what a huge part of my life my faith is. But there are times when something inside of me tells me to speak to someone or say something and I don’t because it doesn’t make sense to me at that moment. I’ve let my fear of looking odd get in the way of doing what I know is right. In the way of Gods will. Well no more. It’s time to truly trust in God’s plan. So I will write something everyday, and I will evangelize when I’m inspired to. Because the fact is my faith gets stronger and the love and joy in my heart grows the more I do. And if I’m given the choice of which emotion to guide me, I will always choose love and joy. I hope you’ll do the same. God bless.
Faith like Water 